Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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