I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
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I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
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This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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