So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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