my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
