You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
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Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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