In the future we'll all be gay
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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