He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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