God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Randomize
