I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
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i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
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Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.