if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM