why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
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you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
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I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.