I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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