The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
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its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
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Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?