shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
