is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
NoShamevember. You game?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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