just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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