I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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