just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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