How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away