i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
