My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
