so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You ruined the universe
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
