By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
