Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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