i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I am midnight drunk by noon
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
