I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
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He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
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This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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