Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
