I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
