Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm too high and old for this...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
