It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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