Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
