it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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