tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
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Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
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I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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