Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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