I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
