He disabled his match.com account in front of me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
