My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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