fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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