Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You were trust falling into bushes
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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