WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize