I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
