Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
