I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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