oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
