the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
