you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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