Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
