so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
