I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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