Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
