New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
