I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
