I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize