and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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