I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
