There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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