dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Sober January is a disaster.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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