I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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