note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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