In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
