I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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